I took a break from writing. I felt the nudge to step away for a while and do some listening.
For the girl who has always had something to say, I have found myself with nothing to say.
Heart quiet. Mind still.
It's not so much that there is nothing to say... no, it's not that at all.
The choice to stop talking and start listening allowed me to move into a closeness with God that has been feeding my soul in new ways.
Last summer, over coffee, I told a close friend I was getting the sense that God was inviting me into a new stage. The simplest way I could describe it was to compare my journey to a level on a video game - I had gone as far as I could in the level I was on, and it was time to go further.
I had this picture that stuck with me - I was walking by a wall that went on as far as I could see in either direction, too high for me to see over. It was covered with ivy and overgrown bushes, and behind the weeds and branches I found a door. I sensed it was time to go through the door, only I wasn't sure how to open it, or what would be on the other side.
On this break from writing I took steps to reevaluate my habits and refocus my thoughts. I am learning to quiet my heart, and to wait on the promptings of God. To shift the focus of my prayers from me to Him. I also read a lot, seeking the wisdom of others much wiser than myself. The book Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster was instrumental in renewing my desire to spend time with the Lord, and the book You Are What You Love by James K. A. Smith changed my perspective on my daily habits tremendously.
Out of this, a really cool thing has happened. Prayers asking for God to change me and guide the direction of my life faded, as I started praying to God about who He was. Don't get me wrong, those old prayers were good, and helpful. Still, God was calling me deeper, and it was time for new prayers. He faithfully guided me in this new direction.
The longer I spend focusing on God, the more I want to know Him. The more I know him, the more in awe of Him I became. Even my Bible reading has become more enriching as He speaks to me through His Word.
The foretelling of Jesus in the book of Isaiah struck me deeply. To picture Jesus, with nothing attractive in his outward appearance, and yet, for 2,000 years people have been so drawn to Him. My prayer became a desire for people to be attracted to me because they sense the love of Jesus resonating from me, rather than because of any outward attraction that I might hold.
The story of the Israelites in a 40 year journey through a desert, following a cloud, impressed on my heart the need to stay directly under the instruction of the Lord, and how much He cares about the provisions we need along the journey. We know the stories of how the Lord delivered the people out of slavery, and provided food and water, ultimately leading them to their own land of freedom. It never occurred to me that they literally stayed under the pillar of cloud and fire, and only moved when it moved. I think about how different their story would have been if they decided they were done following the cloud, and set off on their own. Part of me wouldn't have blamed them - a year seems like a long time to sit under a cloud! But God provided and protected under that cloud. I have a richer understanding of guidance and obedience because of this story, and it makes me re-evaluate my own desires and plans. Am I following the direction of the Lord? Am I asking where it is He is leading me?
It was even good to be reminded He created each star in our vast universe. Nothing is lost to Him.
I am humbled and satisfied by this newfound presence, as I am more keenly aware of His constant nearness.
I find myself praising Him for the billowing clouds that roll overhead, and the tiny blades of grass that never cease to sprout up in the perfect shade of green. I praise Him for the bees, marveling in His perfect plan to pollinate our plants all over this green earth through these tiny creatures.
I thank Him for His provisions, as He always seems to go before us, anticipating our every need.
My prayers used to revolve around me. My fears, my needs, my wants, and my emotions. But after shifting my focus off of me and on to Him, I have found my fears have faded, my needs and wants are an afterthought, and my emotions steady. I am simply in awe of who He is.
I think this is called peace.
We seem to be hardwired to seek satisfaction, and we run after it our whole lives - both in healthy and unhealthy ways. The longer I sit in the lap of the Father, the more I marvel that the truest satisfaction is found in Him.
Heart quiet. Mind still.
It's not so much that there is nothing to say... no, it's not that at all.
The choice to stop talking and start listening allowed me to move into a closeness with God that has been feeding my soul in new ways.
Last summer, over coffee, I told a close friend I was getting the sense that God was inviting me into a new stage. The simplest way I could describe it was to compare my journey to a level on a video game - I had gone as far as I could in the level I was on, and it was time to go further.
I had this picture that stuck with me - I was walking by a wall that went on as far as I could see in either direction, too high for me to see over. It was covered with ivy and overgrown bushes, and behind the weeds and branches I found a door. I sensed it was time to go through the door, only I wasn't sure how to open it, or what would be on the other side.
On this break from writing I took steps to reevaluate my habits and refocus my thoughts. I am learning to quiet my heart, and to wait on the promptings of God. To shift the focus of my prayers from me to Him. I also read a lot, seeking the wisdom of others much wiser than myself. The book Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster was instrumental in renewing my desire to spend time with the Lord, and the book You Are What You Love by James K. A. Smith changed my perspective on my daily habits tremendously.
Out of this, a really cool thing has happened. Prayers asking for God to change me and guide the direction of my life faded, as I started praying to God about who He was. Don't get me wrong, those old prayers were good, and helpful. Still, God was calling me deeper, and it was time for new prayers. He faithfully guided me in this new direction.
The longer I spend focusing on God, the more I want to know Him. The more I know him, the more in awe of Him I became. Even my Bible reading has become more enriching as He speaks to me through His Word.
The foretelling of Jesus in the book of Isaiah struck me deeply. To picture Jesus, with nothing attractive in his outward appearance, and yet, for 2,000 years people have been so drawn to Him. My prayer became a desire for people to be attracted to me because they sense the love of Jesus resonating from me, rather than because of any outward attraction that I might hold.
The story of the Israelites in a 40 year journey through a desert, following a cloud, impressed on my heart the need to stay directly under the instruction of the Lord, and how much He cares about the provisions we need along the journey. We know the stories of how the Lord delivered the people out of slavery, and provided food and water, ultimately leading them to their own land of freedom. It never occurred to me that they literally stayed under the pillar of cloud and fire, and only moved when it moved. I think about how different their story would have been if they decided they were done following the cloud, and set off on their own. Part of me wouldn't have blamed them - a year seems like a long time to sit under a cloud! But God provided and protected under that cloud. I have a richer understanding of guidance and obedience because of this story, and it makes me re-evaluate my own desires and plans. Am I following the direction of the Lord? Am I asking where it is He is leading me?
It was even good to be reminded He created each star in our vast universe. Nothing is lost to Him.
I am humbled and satisfied by this newfound presence, as I am more keenly aware of His constant nearness.
I find myself praising Him for the billowing clouds that roll overhead, and the tiny blades of grass that never cease to sprout up in the perfect shade of green. I praise Him for the bees, marveling in His perfect plan to pollinate our plants all over this green earth through these tiny creatures.
I thank Him for His provisions, as He always seems to go before us, anticipating our every need.
My prayers used to revolve around me. My fears, my needs, my wants, and my emotions. But after shifting my focus off of me and on to Him, I have found my fears have faded, my needs and wants are an afterthought, and my emotions steady. I am simply in awe of who He is.
I think this is called peace.
We seem to be hardwired to seek satisfaction, and we run after it our whole lives - both in healthy and unhealthy ways. The longer I sit in the lap of the Father, the more I marvel that the truest satisfaction is found in Him.
