As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 We don't do it enough, but we've gotten in the habit of scheduling time. It started out as a lunch, and lunch was so good we said, We've got to do this again. Soon.
We joke about how, pre-kids, we saw each other all the time. We'd hop in the car and land on each others couches. The presence of each others company would feed our souls, and we were full up on friendship.
And then came the babies.
The couches became empty reminders of friendship that looks way different now.
Empty seat cushions that used to have a regular patron.
Empty hearts, starving for friendship, for someone to talk to, for someone to hear our hearts and all the things clanging around in our heads.
After the longest, loneliest stretch of time, we started scheduling lunches. Once every few months or so. We'd catch up across the table.
We'd share the good and the bad- our frustrations, our secret fears, our joys, our stumbling blocks, and our questions about what God was teaching us through our less than perfect circumstances. We were vulnerable, and honest with each other, and we found in each other honest love and great understanding.
Two of us became three of us, and we've found our rhythm. Every few months, we come back together. And it's the BEST.
Sometimes we meet for lunch, and sometimes we get the kids in bed and go out for a late night dinner.
Dinners are my favorite. Dinners aren't rushed. Dinners involve a fresh squirt of perfume, and lipstick, or new earrings- something that reminds me that I was once, before motherhood, a lady.
But it's not the food, or the pretty people that make this time special.
We usually start with catching up on life, but doesn't take long for us to dive deeper.
It honestly started almost by accident. We'd power through our time together, trying to catch up on everything we'd missed since our last visit, and wanting to make the most of the time we had together. There was not much room for small chat!
How are you is never an icebreaker for us, but it is a genuine, loving question - one we ask and answer with the deepest sincerity.
What makes our time so precious isn't the stories that we have to tell, and it isn't that we have a sounding board, but that we trust each other.
Friendship can be tricky, and sometimes a little scary. Do I share what is really going on in my heart? Will I be understood? Misunderstood? Or worse- judged? What if by opening my mouth I push people away? What if no one cares about what I'm saying?
I think something happened, somewhere along the line, in our formative years, and somehow as women we got really good at concealing our hearts.
We are really good at talking, but we're not so good about baring our souls to each other.
We've all been burned before. We've been judged, rejected and misunderstood. We've been the odd one out. The misfit. The unwanted one. We've been the one that talks too much, or the one who talks to little, or the one who just doesn't say the right things.
We hide our hearts to keep them safe, from the judgers and the rejectors, and from the people who just might not understand us.
It's really easy to sit in our safe space and only share the appealing parts of our hearts. It's harder to share the rest.
There's something really life-giving about knowing someone deeply. We're not afraid to ask the tough questions to each other, but we're also not afraid to answer them. So sitting around tables, huddled over plates of pasta or sandwiches, drinking coffee or sipping wine, and even in a little pool as our babies swam around us once, we ask the tough questions.
How are you, really?
What's the best thing going on right now?
What is the hardest thing you're going through?
What is God teaching you?
We talk about what we're reading, and learning. We laugh over stories of our husbands and our children, and cry with each other over hurts and frustrations.
Sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way we would have wanted. Sometimes, we just want things to be different, and the weight of our out-of-control-ness can be stifling.
The tender moments between us happen because we have handed each other grace.
Grace to speak our minds, and explore our questions.
Grace to mess up, coming along arm in arm when one of us realizes the other has gone down the lonely road of bitterness, offering hope and truth in the most gentle ways.
Grace to lift each other up, and share humble wisdom.
Grace enough to point to Jesus.
Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." These girls are my sharpeners.
We are better because of each other. Sometimes I'm on the right track, and sometimes I'm not. These girls encourage, empathize and point me ever so lovingly in the right direction when I'm getting off course.
What is it about perspective that makes it so hard for me to "counsel" myself?? It is as if all my wisdom and understanding goes flying out the window when I'm in the thick of fighting off whatever is coming at me. I can't see the big picture, I can't see the forest through the trees, and often my focus gets absorbed completely into my problem.
In times when my way seems lost, or I fear I am stuck and will never get over the mountains in my way, I need people in my life who can show me new perspective, or help me look at things from a different or wider angle. I need voices that encourage me to press on instead of wallowing in my self-pity.
We were not created to do life alone. We so often carry the burdens of our hearts, holding them in, believing that no one would understand, or want to carry our burdens with us.
My encouragement to you today is to find your friend. Find your people. Find your tribe. If you don't have one, seek one out. Find someone trustworthy, someone you know your heart is safe with.
If you have your people, be the best friend you can be. I know, it's so cliche. But do it anyway. Be a secret-guarder and an encourager. Be trusting and trustworthy. Be observant and open-minded to the needs of your precious friend. Be prayerful, and walk arm in arm with your besties, growing together in the grace of Jesus.
Somehow we found each other, me and my people. We could have easily chosen to be surface-level friends. Little by little though, we took a leap of faith, and found the best of friendships waiting just beneath the surface of our tender, burned hearts.
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